No. 43 - Congo - Smokin' Hot Salmon and Bitchin' Bread

Here is a very brief and lets face it uncharacteristic geography lesson on the two Congo's that I Culinised together. The Congo's, of which there are two; the Democratic Republic of Congo and the Republic of Congo are both named after the river (you guessed it) Congo that runs between them. They are as tragic as they are beautiful (so I hear) and are in fact completely distinct and different countries.

But. They are both called Congo. So. I'm painting them with the same brush and cooking the two Congo's with one stone.

Not that it matters much anyway considering what I cooked is fundamentally and not remotely Congolese, Democratic or otherwise. I read somewhere that Congolese people enjoy eating smoked fish and freshly baked bread. Don't we all. Give me an inch and well, I ended up with "Congolese" hot smoked salmon and soda bread. Hmm.

"Congolese" Hot Smoked Salmon

I left the salmon in the salt way to long and it was seriously, seriously salty. Not in a good way. But you won't do that. Five minutes should be fine. Not forty five. I served the salmon with a little tomato salsa, potato salad and of course the soda bread. For once there were no complains that dessert was bread and jam.

You will obviously need a smoker for this. You could also make one out of an old biscuit tin/bread bin and some chicken wire or something to that affect. Get creative and go all blue peter on that shit.

Serves 4

4 salmon fillets or any firm fleshed fish fillets
sea salt
pepper
some oak chips (ingredient? I don't know)

Cover the salmon fillets liberally in sea salt and leave for 5 minutes. Remove the salt and set aside. Season with pepper.

Throw a handful of oak dust in the centre of your hot smoker, lay the fish on whatever wire rack you've got/made and pop the lid on. Put the smoker on a flame. Any flame will do, barbecue, fire or gas ring. Leave for approximately 15 minutes after the oak has began to smoke. That's it. Hot smoked salmon.

"Congolese" Soda Bread (Bitch Please)

500g plain flour
2 tsp bread soda
1 tsp salt
500g carton of natural yogurt or buttermilk
splash of milk if needed.


Preheat the oven to 200 degrees celsius. In a bowl mix the flour, bread soda and salt. Make a well in the centre and pour in the yogurt. Gradually incorporate the flour and yogurt until you have soft, wet dough. You may need to add a little milk. Tip the dough out onto a floured surface and lightly knead for a minute. Shape into a smooth ball and pop onto a well floured baking tray. Cut a deep cross into the dough with a floured knife. Bake for 40-45 minutes. Serve warm with lashings and lashings of cold butter. 

No. 42 - Columbia - Pulled Pork - Columbi-yeah!

Apologies for the terrible photo quality. Someone buy me a camera or even better, give me a job so I can buy me a camera.

It could have been Columbi-off, but it wasn't. It was Columbi-on.

Columbia became another welcome excuse to have a few stray heads who didn't quite make it to Electric Picnic over for a few beers, to pig out on pulled pork and shake our asses like we come from Columbia.  Not that I ever need an excuse for any these things, but it definitely beat hankering after the Picnic. So we had our own, Electric Pignic if you will.

This Columbian pulled pork recipe literally forces you have to have an Electric Pignic. You can't make it for one or two people and if three's a crowd, twelve's got to be a party. And where there's an enormous slab of pork, there are inevitably leftovers, even when feeding a herd of strapping young lads.  I was still (happily might I add) pigging out on it four days later. At the risk of seriously overdoing it, one could even go as far as to say the pulled pork was Columbelievable. And the lips don't lie.

Columbian Pulled Pork

Serves 12

3 kg shoulder of pork, (cut into big chunks to make it more manageable)

2 cups of tomato ketchup (1 whole bottle)

1 cup of brown sugar

1 head of garlic, chopped

knob of ginger, chopped

tbsp chili flakes

2 vegetable stock cubes

1 tbsp mustard

salt and pepper

Throw all of the ingredients into a large pot and mix around. Add just enough water to cover the meat, cover with tinfoil and a lid and bring to a simmer on the hob. Transfer to a 110º celsius oven and leave there for anywhere between 8 and 15 hours. The longer the better. I left mine in over night.

Then carefully remove the meat to a bowl and shred it with two forks. It should literally fall apart. Reduce the sauce left in the large pot by about half . Return the shredded pork to the pot and toss in the juice.

Serve with floury baps, Columbian red beans (recipe below), coleslaw,  sour cream, cheese and hot sauce. Columbi-hell-yeah!

Mhhmmmmmhmmmmmmmmmmmm isn't the word.

Colombian Red Beans 

6 rashers of bacon, chopped
1 small red onion, chopped
a couple of tomatoes, chopped
3 tins of red kidney beans, including liquid.
2 vegetable stock cubes
1 tbsp sugar
1 tbsp cumin
handful of chopped coriander

In a pan fry the bacon until crispy. Add the onion, tomatoes and cumin and cook until the onions are soft. Add the kidney beans, stock cube and sugar. Bring to temperature and simmer for ten minutes. Finish with a handful of chopped coriander. 

No. 41 - China - Peking Duck - What a Bit of Quack!

What a quacking dinner. Peking duck really fits the bill and is certainly all it's quacked up to be. Yes, it is time consuming and needs a bit of commitment and dedication but it's also a bit of quack. And quite honestly you just haven't cooked until you've hung Donald upside down and headless from a coat hanger, fake tanned him so he resembles The Hoff and given him a cool blow-dry. Follow these unconventional beauty treatments and you'll be waving bye-bye to the ugly duckling and hello to a beautiful swan (metaphorically speaking, of course). 

Peking Duck                                                                                                               8/10

Serves 2  

1 duck
200ml of rice vinegar in total
half a jar of honey
50g dark soy sauce.
20 peking pancakes
hoi sin sauce
a bunch of spring onions

First things first, wash and dry your duck with paper towels. Remove any traces of feather stubs or fat. Make some kind of contraption to hang your duck from. You can get special duck hanging hooks in chinese supermarkets but I didn't think this necessary, however in hind sight it would have made life a lot easier. Fill a large pot with water and add 150ml of rice vinegar. (I used balsamic vinegar because I didn't have any any I was too lazy to go to the shop but you probably shouldn't follow suit. Everything turned purple.) When the water and vinegar is boiling plunge the duck into it for ten seconds, remove and hang back up to dry for a few minutes. Repeat 5 times.

At this point I left the duck on a rack on the fridge over night. If you don't have the time then you can leave it in cool drafty place or blast it with a fan until dry.


To make the glaze, combine half a jar of honey, and 50g each of rice vinegar and dark soy sauce. Paint this onto the duck using a brush and use a fan to assist the drying process. Repeat as many times as you are patient enough for. I think, I did about five coats.

It should look like this...

Or even this...

Preheat your oven to 200 degrees and place a baking tray on the bottom shelf half filled with water. Place the duck directly on the top shelf and turn the temperature down to 160 degrees. Cook for two hours after which the duck should be perfect. If you like your duck like in the Chinese restaurants, allow to cook and reheat the next day. If you can't wait that long which is pretty much impossible, let it rest for ten minutes and carve it like a chicken. Serve on those little peking pancakes painted with hoi sin sauce, both shop bought from a chinese supermarket (preparing the duck is more than enough). Then all that is left to go is get quacking!